The Dead Baby Club has started a writing project and am excited to link up to it. It allows me to connect to other Moms like me, even though its only a virtual anonymous connection.
Gratitude. Since the loss of my child the one thing I am most grateful for is...
Time.
Over the last 1 year and 9 months (to the day) I have found myself crying, wishing we had more time that we could've spent with Parker.
More time to hold him.
More time to kiss him.
More time to feel his soft skin.
More time to tell him we love him.
More time to look at him.
Time to see what could've happened.
Before Parker was born, my days were jammed packed with errands and things to do. I never "stopped to smell the roses", i didn't have time. I never took the time to appreciate what I had, and still have now, by some chance.
Now, I take an hour of everyday to turn off the tv, my phone, and the computer and just play with my son. We play together all day everyday but my attention isn't always 100% on him. We read and wrestle during our time. And I always take the time to rock him to sleep for every nap and at bedtime. (please dont lecture me on what bad habits this is starting; at least he's not sleeping in our bed). I make sure to tell B everyday how much he is loved, and to show him pictures of Parker everyday. My boys should never doubt how much they are loved or question if they are loved.
Hi Sarah, I'm here from DBC, and wanted to thank you for sharing this. I definitely wish for more time. Nothing like wishing for it to make us realize how precious it really is. I love how you keep B connected to his brother and how you really make sure to have your "date" time with him. I'm so sorry Parker isn't here with you.
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